Wednesday, April 2, 2008

I Wish I Was...

More Composed than Nervous;
More Light-Hearted than Depressive;
More Quiet than Active-Social;
More Inhibited than Expressive-Responsive;
More Sympathetic than Indifferent;
More Objective than Subjective;
More Submissive than Dominant;
More Tolerant than Hostile;
More Self Disciplined than Impulsive
The "Taylor-Johnson Temperment Analysis" covers these personality traits and the opposites. I think I took this before Jim and I got married. I wanted to be everything I wasn't. I am not so sure it was a positive experience for me.
I found out I am not all that merciful and Jim was full of mercy. I found out we were both very dominant and we should "look out for trouble" in this area. Ahh, duh! I used to think that Active-Social was great until I sensed that many wished that I would just stop talking. I used to think that being vulnerable and sharing was a good thing until I sensed that awkward moment when the listener was squirming over the rawness of my life story. I thought being impulsive was "fun" until I discovered I had no clean socks to wear when I wanted to race off and catch a movie.
Oh how we want to be everything we are not! If our hair is straight, we want curly. If we are short (petite is so cute in my opinion) we want to be tall. The list goes on in regard to our physical appearance, but the tricky thing is, we are never satisfied with just exactly who God made us to be. Somehow we think that life would be so much easier if we could just respond this way or that way to a situation - instead of how we do respond! Our very nature - our personality - our temperment seems to betray us. It makes life difficult!
It's sounding a little like that whole Romans thing where Paul describes how he can't do the things he knows he should and is always doing the very thing he wishes he wouldn't. We will always battle the flesh.
I don't have any profound answers for myself or anyone out there that is relating to this post, but I do know that I'm OK. (And not just because I was forced to read "I'm OK, You're OK" my sophomore year) Deep down, I have always known that God loves me - the "me" that I am right now - not the one I hope to be or I'm working toward being, but the "me" that is me RIGHT NOW. Warts, flaws, stretch marks, smart comments, indifference, lack of discipline, contempt, self-righteousness, etc, etc, etc. NOTHING can separate us from the love of God.

5 comments:

momaof4 said...

I love who you are.


And the new blog look :)

Their Giant said...

Angie,
I like what you said here and how you link it back to God.

Isn't it comforting that there is One who loves us exactly as we are? Amazing.

Ona said...

You are perfect just the way you are!!! I have to sometimes remind myself of the same.

AngieG said...

I'm getting so many comments affirming me "just the way I am" and now I feel as if I was fishing for a compliment. I guess I just wanted to be honest about those feelings of insecurity and the little "lies" that are recorded and replayed in my mind. I think we all have these issues from timet to time - most of all I wanted to share how God in the midst of all my insecurities and self deprecation loves me! I think He loves you too!!!! My goal for the post was not as clear as it could have been. It's not about how OK I am but how good God is! So full of love - He IS love.

Alida said...

Yes, well Angie, You've hit the nail on the head on many issues here. Yes, we've all felt this way at one time or another. Yes, God is GREAT and loves us.

I for one also love who you are. Not because I sense you are fishing for compliments, but because I truly do. Isn't that part of it too? We are imperfect in our own minds, but those around us aren't as critical, they are more accepting.

I stopped fretting over my bulging belly and blue stretch marks because when Sergio looks at me, he doesn't seem to see them or to mind them...why should I?

So when there is no one around, it's wonderful to know I am loved by the perfect God who created me.

Wonderful post.